It’s an interesting observation… parenting seems to have become harder, yet there is more information, resources, and tools than ever that should help. Why then is being a mom or dad seemingly harder… because people want it to be. There are numerous ‘reasons’ why experts want you to see parenting as overwhelming, one main reason is because it takes away your control, your power, and your personal knowledge in who and what your children need and what YOU decide is the right way to give it to them…the fundamentals remain the same.
You relinquish your leadership in the name of ‘parenting is so challenging and here is the latest hack…’ So, we blame the issues in parenting on social media, broken homes, screen time, insufficient schools, cell phones, on and on and on. When it appears to me, parenting has become incredibly difficult because of too many ‘right ways’ to do it and not enough conviction to the fundamentals on how to do it. This unfortunately can somewhat be seen as a generational issue… parents today didn’t have parents who actively parented, who didn’t have parent’s who actively parented, so the innate knowledge on common sense parenting just isn’t there. As a result, we aren’t sure, so we do what has become the norm…. we outsource to opinions and fads. What is left is an enormous void and parents who truly don’t know what do to or how to handle routine ( and some not so routine) situations of parenting. Parent’s lack confidence in their internal parenting navigating system, and struggle at what is best for their child. As a result of this, we are leaving that up to posts and opinions on social media.
I speak from experience. I will say so proudly, that I had a mother who taught me to embrace the art of motherhood. She knew what she stood for… and she made confident decisions, she used common sense and sound judgement. She also made motherhood out to be an entire life experience.
What is a full experience? Unfortunately today… a full experience has to be instantaneously rewarding and we must have immediate positive feedback that what we are doing is right. Reward has to come with great self satisfaction and quick! The full experience of parenting, is NOT that..and being a parent is a FULL lifetime experience, many areas of which I consistently modeled as mother, I am JUST seeing realized in my children. I have three children 26, 22, and 17 and I have my daughter-in -aw who is my 4th child. I still experience parenting EVERY day. EVERY day… so I am still experiencing motherhood. There is no short cut in parenting… because it doesn’t end. Even with a loss of a child, you are still a parent to that child. You have a journey to take the rest of your life with the physical absence of that child. As heart wrenching as that must be.. you are still experiencing parenting. Parenting just never stops. Thank you ,God for that!
So how do you know what to do? How do you guide and lead yourself in this life experience?
Pay attention to the feedback you give yourself. Stop and feel in your body, where that feeling of love for your children comes from.. truly close your eyes if you need to, AND feel where that incredible love originates.
Guess what??
It’s in you. For real.
It’s not on Instagram or Facebook. I can point to it right now. It originates in that place by your heart and resides so deep in your soul and its power is connected to your gut and your brain. Pay attention to it today. Hone into that place of origin. It has so many answers.
Everyone has different circumstance in which they have to parent, yet it’s so cool that we all have this place of origin to work from….
I honestly use the place daily. It is my deciding place when I don’t want to figure out what my 17 year old needs to eat to fuel her athletic body, but I do it because she needs real food and she needs to learn what that looks like. I turn there, when I’m not sure of how to approach my 22 year old in regards her independence, but also I want to remind her to ask for help and rely on people. She doesn’t have to do it alone. My origination point for love is what guides me in discussions with my son and daughter-in-law when they need firm resolve to keep at it, when really…I don’t have the words or desire at that moment to offer affirmation. This stands the test of time.. from newborn to newlywed, I have honed in on that space of loving my children with what they deserve, instead of how I feel, and that can be found in that origin of love.
Parenting is challenging..but it’s not hard. It calls us out of ourselves and demands we give more. This is why guarding your origination point.. is so important. Literally, feel what you feel. Take note of that.
All the other stuff should be ‘A’ resource.
The other stuff should not be ‘THE’ source.
Many programs and influencers are cookie cutter.. as much as we all claim to be our own person, we minimize our individual goals and visions for our kids, with what ‘works’ for everyone. Really, it does seem easier to listen to someone else rather than collect the feedback we have within us and do something with it. Of course we want to look for ideas and advice. It’s not a bad thing. We need strategies and fixes, but I caution you to discern where are you getting this information. It’s super helpful, but it’s not the only way.
Much like the old examples , you don’t use a broke financial planner to invest your money , or you don’t buy gym equipment from people who don’t take fitness seriously. I would challenge you to use and reference people who have experienced the success you want. This is really important. Having a parenting coach who has the right experience in the type of humans you want your children to be, is imperative to you having the outcome you want in your family. Lead by leading.. not by outsourcing. This isn’t a recipe to try, or a room to decorate, or a workout idea, these are your children. Hone in or your origination point, go from there!
Here to help because,
It’s A LOT!
Amy